Dreams and Things

I received a letter from my wife today. Apparently her daughter stumbled upon it and read it I have very stupidly not made it private. Anyway, she told my wife abiut it who read it. So now knows all of what I've written about her. It's not pretty. Of course, she could be bull shit about having read it. She's done that before. Quite frankly, I don't care. Anyway, here's the email she sent me, presumably after reading the blog: Dear (Me) , I can not continue to be your friend. It is very self destructive for me to hang on to you. I try to forget the horrible way you think of me, and the hateful things you’ve said. I make excuses in my mind for you by saying you didn't mean that, or you didn't know what you were doing because your crazy… I know that you think I’m “Acting”..When I am nice to you. The truth is, that I  am  nice. But you just remember the times I have not been in my right mind, The “Evil sister”, as you put it. It is such a sha...

My ex-wife came over this evening to work on art together. It's been about three, maybe four, weeks since we broke up. She is having difficulties finding boundaries as we struggle to be friends and live apart. We maintain almost daily contact with one another and do things for one another. For example, she bought me groceries yesterday--groceries that I should have paid for but did not. She's cooked dinner for the two of us which we ate at her mother's apartment (where she still lives). I've tried to help her through this crisis by being available to talk and visit at her leisure. Since we broke up she has consistently been the good wife instead of the hateful and evil wife. I am indescribably happy about this lucky circumstance. There have been times when the evil sister has shown glimpses of herself but these were quickly bottled up. I believe that on some level my ex-wife cannot grasp the fact that we have truly broken up and that we will never get...

I broke up with my wife two weeks ago. I don't know why I haven't written about this earlier. I guess the turmoil surrounding her exit from my life has befuddled me. I really should have written about this sooner. Anyway, enough self-bashing. I don't quite know why I did it. Today is Tuesday and two weeks ago on Monday I just suddenly decided to tell her that I wanted an end to our marriage. I was sitting on the bed thinking about the pros and cons of our life together. I have known for some time that I don't want to live with her. I guess I never had the nerve to tell her. I know I didn't have the nerve, actually. It's difficult telling someone that you want to break up a relationship. It is something I have never wanted or had to do in my life. I broke with my second wife amicably with both of us understanding that we wanted to go different ways in life. The break-up with my first and third wives was incredibly hateful. The third break-up was so bad I en...

I'm a little drunk as I write this. But sitting in the living room listening music alone I am aching for female companionship, I can't stand it. I barbecued tonight and we ate as usual at the dinner table. Also as usual, she left as I was cleaning up to go into the bedroom to read her emal and then off to bed to watch TV. And so here I am enjoying the music but alone. I just can't stand it. I wish to heaven's sake I had someone to share this with. We have a beautiful living room with an excellent stereo and I am alone in it. Why oh why can't I have the company I want? Why can't I have someone who doesn't rush off after dinner but lingers a little bit to engage in albeit trivial table talk? Why do I find myself alone again as so often? I am tempted to post ads on Matchup.com and other dating sites to look for a companion. She doesn't even need to be a sexual partner or even want a relationship other friendship. I feel this so strongly. I wonder if I...

I'm working with my old friends from high school trying to build a transport for a variety of animals. There a lot of logistics involved and we're measuring carefully as we design the beds in which they will be moved and ultimately sleep. The spaces increase in size to meet the requirements of the animals. The larger below for horses and slowly increasing in size to make room for animals like rabbits and squirrels. A lot of work is going into building the frame and to ensure that its cushions for the smaller animals above are correctly designed, I am at the family house of my third snf former wife who was from Sweden, The house has many rooms and my friends and are flabergasted that the frame we so carefully designed does not fit in the space for which it was designed. We fumble for solutions until I suggest that we remove the cushions for the horses below and lower the frame to that height because horses sleep standing up, anyway. We think of other ideas,too, and eventually ...

I am among the students at the University of California at Berkeley. It is nighttime and we are grouped to prepare a concert, The concert is to take place on two adjacent hills, We are are on a freshly cut lawn in front of the two hills. The are area lights around us the illuminate the table and gentle spot lights upon the hills. The table are hot tables. In other words, tables designed to keep food warm by the use of hot water under whic pans of food are kept, The food will be served cafeteria style. This all in preparation for a concert. The concert begins and is mostly for young men. The bands play rock and roll of the type popular for that particular audience. The students gobble up the food which consists of mostly meat dishes—roast beef, chicken and pork served up in various sauces, The roast beef is cut straight off the bone. Not a lot of vegetable dishes are served. Green bean casserle is there and more less chosen for by some. The concert is success, I am every pleased wit...

I'm bored. I spent a lot of time working on my art in the studio. In fact, I went in at around two PM and by the time I checked the time I was surprised to see that it was seven. I hurried into the kitchen to clean it up and prepare the coffee for tomorrow. I returned to the the studio afterward. I'm working on two projects at once. One is a piece of styrofoam which I have painted black. I made several, quite a few actually, indentations in it using duck cement which dissolves styrofoam. I've painted the interior of the holes with gold paint. It's impressive in my opinion. I'm going to call it "Crude Oil." The idea is that the black surface represents crude oil and the holes within it the gold how oil controls our society. My original conception had been to glue toy soldered to it, one army facing the other. The soldiers would have represented the wars that fight over and because of oil. But looking at it now I think I am going to forego the toy sold...