I'm bored.
I spent a lot of time working on my art in the studio. In fact, I went in at around two PM and by the time I checked the time I was surprised to see that it was seven. I hurried into the kitchen to clean it up and prepare the coffee for tomorrow. I returned to the the studio afterward.
I'm working on two projects at once. One is a piece of styrofoam which I have painted black. I made several, quite a few actually, indentations in it using duck cement which dissolves styrofoam. I've painted the interior of the holes with gold paint. It's impressive in my opinion.
I'm going to call it "Crude Oil." The idea is that the black surface represents crude oil and the holes within it the gold how oil controls our society. My original conception had been to glue toy soldered to it, one army facing the other. The soldiers would have represented the wars that fight over and because of oil. But looking at it now I think I am going to forego the toy soldiers. They will not add anything to the piece and will in fact distract from it. I plan to leave the piece simple. It makes its statement well enough in my opinion.
I don't know what I am going to do the soldiers, however. I invested a lot of time painting them. Something will come to mind I suspect.
My other project will be called "Nebula". It will be a wild piece using a palette knife. The center piece (off center however) will be a star that characterizes a the formative star of a nebula. The star will have four points albeit blunt and not particularly obvious. Two or three similar formative stars will also be included around the centerpiece. I should mention that the main star will be close to the corner of the canvas so that the smaller stars will fill the empty space off to the right and above the main star.
I've prepared a large canvas (24 X 36?) with a solid coat of raw sienna. This base is what ill show through when this and wispy application of paint reveal the background, instead of the white of the canvas. The stars will gradually brighten as I add white paint to the sienna. Everything will be done with a palette knife. The stars will gradually brighten until they are basically pink. During this process the non-star areas will get wispy scrapes of the palette knife in different colors that make up the colors of the stars. I'm excited about the piece. It represents a departure from my controlled and geometric style.
I've had something of a falling out with my wife. I feel like I am just one of her toys. We were working together in the studio together, something I like to do. The she left to go to the bathroom, I guessed. But no, she had become bored with her piece and decided to go and sit on the bed and play with her iPad. I felt slighted. She said nothing to me about her decision. She simply got up and left. She was tired of playing with one toy and left to play with another. Without any regard for me. I felt hurt when I found her on the bed oblivious to the moments we had shared in the studio.
I want to have a glass of wine and once she finally goes to sleep I will have one. She opposes this and that makes me very angry. All I want is a simple, single glass of wine. Just one. But as she tells me, in her dominant mother hen way, "I don't drink wine." I am utterly exhausted ( I worked until 9:30PM) and sitting down with a glass of wine would be a nice finish to the work I have done today. A single glass of wine. She accuses me of wanting to get drunk. I wouldn't mind doing that, as a matter of fact, but would not do that. I don't want to get drunk. I just want to relax.
I took two percocets, instead. They have had no effect upon me, alas. What a waste. I don't particularly like getting high from narcotics, anyway. But God what I have a need to relax and unwind and escape reality. I could smoke pot but the last time I did so it sent me into a paranoid mania. I was up all Thursday night and did not get to sleep until late Friday night. As usual, my wife was uninvolved. Her new standard is that, "I have to take of myself." She will not involve herself in my mental health issues. Fuck her.
She has to go for tooth surgery this coming Tuesday. I want her mother to take her and bring her back to her apartment. I don't want to go through the inevitable "nervous breakdown" that will happen while she is here after she returns home. I will inevitably prove myself inadequate to care for her. She will become enraged. She will pack her bag and run away to her mother's apartment. I don't want t go through this again.
I told this to her tonight. She was a bit taken aback and promised that this experience would not happen. I don't believe it. I told her I'll follow wit her to the dentist and help bring her home. But once here I want her to leave. I want her to have her bag(s) packed and ready to go to her mother's. There she can stay until her mouth has healed. I don't care how long it takes. A week or so would suit me just fine.
There is something terribly dysfunctional about this relationship. I don't like to be around her. I cannot talk to her about my problems because it upsets her. She doesn't want to continue with couples' counseling because it's too expensive and she's not getting anything out of it. There's a group therapy at Kaiser but she very conveniently forgot to attend the last session. The simple fact is that she is therapy resistant and will ever look for outside help from anyone, including from me, from someone else.
I'm getting tired and it's hard to type. That's it for me now.
I spent a lot of time working on my art in the studio. In fact, I went in at around two PM and by the time I checked the time I was surprised to see that it was seven. I hurried into the kitchen to clean it up and prepare the coffee for tomorrow. I returned to the the studio afterward.
I'm working on two projects at once. One is a piece of styrofoam which I have painted black. I made several, quite a few actually, indentations in it using duck cement which dissolves styrofoam. I've painted the interior of the holes with gold paint. It's impressive in my opinion.
I'm going to call it "Crude Oil." The idea is that the black surface represents crude oil and the holes within it the gold how oil controls our society. My original conception had been to glue toy soldered to it, one army facing the other. The soldiers would have represented the wars that fight over and because of oil. But looking at it now I think I am going to forego the toy soldiers. They will not add anything to the piece and will in fact distract from it. I plan to leave the piece simple. It makes its statement well enough in my opinion.
I don't know what I am going to do the soldiers, however. I invested a lot of time painting them. Something will come to mind I suspect.
My other project will be called "Nebula". It will be a wild piece using a palette knife. The center piece (off center however) will be a star that characterizes a the formative star of a nebula. The star will have four points albeit blunt and not particularly obvious. Two or three similar formative stars will also be included around the centerpiece. I should mention that the main star will be close to the corner of the canvas so that the smaller stars will fill the empty space off to the right and above the main star.
I've prepared a large canvas (24 X 36?) with a solid coat of raw sienna. This base is what ill show through when this and wispy application of paint reveal the background, instead of the white of the canvas. The stars will gradually brighten as I add white paint to the sienna. Everything will be done with a palette knife. The stars will gradually brighten until they are basically pink. During this process the non-star areas will get wispy scrapes of the palette knife in different colors that make up the colors of the stars. I'm excited about the piece. It represents a departure from my controlled and geometric style.
I've had something of a falling out with my wife. I feel like I am just one of her toys. We were working together in the studio together, something I like to do. The she left to go to the bathroom, I guessed. But no, she had become bored with her piece and decided to go and sit on the bed and play with her iPad. I felt slighted. She said nothing to me about her decision. She simply got up and left. She was tired of playing with one toy and left to play with another. Without any regard for me. I felt hurt when I found her on the bed oblivious to the moments we had shared in the studio.
I want to have a glass of wine and once she finally goes to sleep I will have one. She opposes this and that makes me very angry. All I want is a simple, single glass of wine. Just one. But as she tells me, in her dominant mother hen way, "I don't drink wine." I am utterly exhausted ( I worked until 9:30PM) and sitting down with a glass of wine would be a nice finish to the work I have done today. A single glass of wine. She accuses me of wanting to get drunk. I wouldn't mind doing that, as a matter of fact, but would not do that. I don't want to get drunk. I just want to relax.
I took two percocets, instead. They have had no effect upon me, alas. What a waste. I don't particularly like getting high from narcotics, anyway. But God what I have a need to relax and unwind and escape reality. I could smoke pot but the last time I did so it sent me into a paranoid mania. I was up all Thursday night and did not get to sleep until late Friday night. As usual, my wife was uninvolved. Her new standard is that, "I have to take of myself." She will not involve herself in my mental health issues. Fuck her.
She has to go for tooth surgery this coming Tuesday. I want her mother to take her and bring her back to her apartment. I don't want to go through the inevitable "nervous breakdown" that will happen while she is here after she returns home. I will inevitably prove myself inadequate to care for her. She will become enraged. She will pack her bag and run away to her mother's apartment. I don't want t go through this again.
I told this to her tonight. She was a bit taken aback and promised that this experience would not happen. I don't believe it. I told her I'll follow wit her to the dentist and help bring her home. But once here I want her to leave. I want her to have her bag(s) packed and ready to go to her mother's. There she can stay until her mouth has healed. I don't care how long it takes. A week or so would suit me just fine.
There is something terribly dysfunctional about this relationship. I don't like to be around her. I cannot talk to her about my problems because it upsets her. She doesn't want to continue with couples' counseling because it's too expensive and she's not getting anything out of it. There's a group therapy at Kaiser but she very conveniently forgot to attend the last session. The simple fact is that she is therapy resistant and will ever look for outside help from anyone, including from me, from someone else.
I'm getting tired and it's hard to type. That's it for me now.
Why didn't you tell your wife how you felt when she left you in the studio. If you keep your feelings to yourself, your only making matters worse.
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