Thanksgiving 2015

Monday, November 23, 2015. It's the Monday before I leave to visit my brother and sister-in-law in New Jersey where they live now. My plan is to stay through the 29th. I am staying in a hotel this time. I don't want a repeat of the terrible events that took place last Christmas when I visited them in New York. I fell ill at that time and instead of receiving sympathy and compassion from my Brother he became a raging maniac angry at me like it was my fault. He took away my Klonopin and my Valium thinking that I was abusing these. He thought it was because of this supposed abuse I was falling down and incontinent all the time. In fact, it had nothing to do with those drugs, not that he had any business taking them away from me. He screamed and raged at me and physically threatened me and threatened to smash my cellphone. I was terrified on top of feeling very ill. I resolved to never stay with them in their own apartment again. So this time I will be tucked safely away in my own hotel room away from them except for times we get together to do things.

I have finished packing and generally getting my apartment in order for my departure. Yaffa took Pippin and me in to board him at 11:30AM this morning. He didn't much like his travel cage to say the least. I was so worried about getting him in but it went relatively smoothly. I've cleaned his cage and since I came home cleaned his travel cage, too. It's oddly quiet in here. I am so used to his cheeping when I leave the room and his yelling when I go out to smoke a cigarette on the balcony. It's odd sitting here by myself typing at the iPad without him clamoring from within his cage or crawling all over the iPad if he was out. Sometimes I think of him as a pest but now that he's gone I miss him terribly.

The SuperShuttle comes by at 7:10AM tomorrow morning to pick me up. I don't have to do much besides a brief shower to get the cigarette smoke smell off of me tomorrow morning so I think I can probably get up at around 6:15AM and have time to smoke a last cigarette and shower before the shuttle arrives. I guess the visit will be OK but I am not looking forward to the travel itself. I'll be getting to the airport at around 8:30AM which should leave me adequate time to get my boarding pass and check my bag before passing through security into the airport proper. My flight doesn't leave until 10:00AM so I should have time to find a place that will serve me breakfast. I'm just hoping the flight doesn't get delayed or cancelled. 

Tuesday, November 24, 2015. I'm waiting for my boarding group 4 to be called. I'm a little nervous but keeping it together. I was uncertain about whee to go and decided to meander around. Sure enough, my boarding gate was out of view from were I was sitting so I got up and got in line. So although the next to last person to board the plane I nevertheless made it in time.

Well, I've settled in after takeoff. I had some trouble getting stereo through my headphones but solved the problem by reversing the direction of the cord.. I a not sure this actually solved the problem in and of itself. It may have simply may have been a bad connection that got fixed by pulling out the wires and setting them in more forcibly. In any event I am now getting stereo.

I miss having my keyboard. Because I m in Airplane Mode I am unable to get either Internet or Bluetooth. Not only does my keyboard depend on Bluetooth but so does my watch so it's of limited capability to me. I guess I just have to "rough it." The steward is coming by o perhaps l'll ask him about it.

As it happens, there is indeed WiFi on the airplane and I am now hooked up to it and have turned Airplane off, which means I can use my keyboard, too.It's still a hassle having to type with my arms scrunched together.

My back hurst a lot. I think I am going to set the iPad for away for a while and try to nap with Percocet in my belly.

It's 9:00PM and I am settled into my room. I just got back from smoking a cigarette in the freezing cold. I really have to find a hotel with smoking rooms the next time I come. I guess I will give Yaffa a call and let her know I got in safely. Then I will probably watch some TV before a last cigarette and bed.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015. Randy and Denise picked me up at around 9:30PM last night and drove me to the Comfort Inn where I am staying. Denise drove and we got lost on the way home but ultimately found our destination. I was dead tired from the trip. I hastily scattered my stuff about and changed into my house clothes so I could come out for a cigarette. The nighttime air was refreshing but very cold. I took my medication and settled in to watch ESPN which was showing a college basketball game. I wasn't able to establish a network connection with my phone so I wasn't able to listen to radio using my little Bose speakers I brought with me. So I decided to leave the TV on while I fell asleep, a decision that in retrospect may not have been the wisest choice because I think it played havoc with my sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night I fumbled for the remote control and turned it off. 

I awoke at 10:00AM with the maid asking me if I wanted my room cleaned. I croaked that I did not want it and she left. I woke up feeling like total shit. I was (still am, really) dizzy and generally disoriented. I managed to get myself together enough to stumble out for a cigarette. Denise had left a message on my phone wondering what had become of me. I called her back and explained that I was suffering from jet lag (probably true in part) and couldn't manage to get myself in shape to make it to the Natural Museum of History today. I am still foggy as I write this and cannot imagine myself going into the City today. I told her I needed to shave and shower and assured her that I would call when I was ready for them to pick me up. So here I am. I'm going to start getting ready for my day.

I finally got myself together at 1:30PM after shaving and showering. I called Randy to come and get me and the three of us went to a diner where I had an excellent (and huge) breakfast. After that we went back to their apartment and hung out for a while. Randy had work to do on his computer and Denise was preoccupied dealing with the rental agency she hired to rent out her house. Although she had specifically told them to not rent to anyone with pets the agency wanted to rent to some people with a cat. Denise (and Randy) were livid and Denise was busy with email to tell the agency no way. I simply hung out and read my email. After a while Randy suggested that he and I go to see a movie--Denise had cooking to do. So we went to see The Mockingbird Part II. I enjoyed it immensely as did Randy. The movie got out at 9:30PM so I suggested that Randy take me direct home to my hotel. I have a slight headache. So here I am listening to ESPN and making this entry. My plan tomorrow is to sleep late tomorrow and hopefully more peaceably. I'll call them when I am awake and they will come and get me.

Thursday, November 26, 2015. Thanksgiving Day. I woke up at 10:00AM this morning and stumbled out of bed, dressed in my house clothes and meandered my way out to have a cigarette. I fell suitable nicotine enriched. I woke up with pain in my left calf and body.  After returning to my room I took two Vicodin and a tranquilizer and my vitamins for the day. I'm in such a dazed state that I can hardly type. I'm going to call Randy and Denise although I doubt Randy will be awake. Denise might be; she's an early riser and has the turkey to see to. I think our plan is to hang around their apartment together simply socializing. It's a plan that suits me well because I don't feel like doing much else. In the meantime, I am making a cup of coffee using the little machine in my room. I keep missing the complimentary continental breakfast which is served from 7:00AM to 10:00AM because I sleep too late. I made the coffee and not too surprisingly it turned out to be sublimely vile. But I am going to drink it anyway, Two cups. Whatever its failings, it is succeeding in waking me up,

I went to Randy and Denise's at around 2:00PM. I hung around a while watching the Detroit Lions defeat the Philadelphia in a surprising game. Afterward we all sat down to a sumptuous turkey dinner. The meal included stuffing, mashed potatoes, whipped sweet potatoes, peas and gravy. I skipped the peas and sweet potatoes because I'm not really into those. I did have two helpings of turkey and stuffing all covered with gravy. Sometime later after the table had been cleared and the kitchen cleaned I had to pieces of pumpkin pie with whipped cream and a piece of cheesecake. I am absolutely stuffed. I started watching the second football game but fell asleep at 6:00PM. I mentioned to Randy that I thought I should return to my hotel and he drove me back. I have the game on now but I don't know ho long I will stay up to watch it.

I was strangely hungry when I returned and decided to go look for a vending machine. Actually, I was more thirsty for something other than water. I asked the young lady if there were vending machines and she replied that there were on each floor but there was a "sweet room" next to the front desk. I asked her to repeat herself because I had no idea what she was talking about. The man at the desk directed me to a concession room next to the front desk area where I bought a vitamin water and two candy bars for $7.00. I wolfed down the candy bars and still have a half of the bottle of vitamin water remaining. Not exactly cheap but I was willing to pay for them.

I fell asleep at 7:00PM. I was too burned out from the huge dinner. I left ESPN running and woke up at 12:00 Midnight to the sound of it ringing in my ears. I wasn't wide awake. I was sort of wobbly and decided that if I went out for a cigarette I wouldn't be able to do more than stumble back to my room. I watched a little more ESPN and fell asleep to it. This time I left the light on at the other side of my bed so that I wouldn't be sleeping in total darkness. I brought my mini Bose stereo with me so that I could fall asleep to music but it has been largely useless. There is a big air conditioner in my room that is very loud and goes on at regular intervals, drowning everything else out, including my stereo. It's obnoxious and always catches me off guard. I've considered trying to turn it off and may still do that if I get the motivation. (I just did. Enough is enough already.)

I fell asleep again and awoke at 2:50. This time I was sufficiently awake to drag myself out of bed and go out to smoke a cigarette. It's really foggy out. I decided to check my weather app for Somerset and discovered that the skies were supposed to be clear. So much for that. I don't know what I am going to do with myself at 3:00AM. Maybe I'll go out for another cigarette before trying to sleep again. I'll take a tranquilizer to help me doze. Perhaps I'll awake soon enough to make it to continental breakfast which is served between 7:00AM and 10:00AM and which I have missed ever since I came here. I have to shave and shower later this morning but can do that after breakfast. Then I return to Randy and Denise's apartment to hang out and watch movies. I still have my heart set upon going to the Museum of Natural History in NYC on Saturday. I hope that happens. I watched a bit of the NFL network before turning off the TV and sleeping.

Friday, November 27, 2015. I woke up at 7:30AM and proceeded to go directly out for a cigarette. It's foggy and cold outside. I heard a flock of geese and say them flying in the mist. I'm up early enough to go to continental breakfast but my inane fear of crowds is preventing me from doing so. I am going to make myself of coffee here in the room, instead. It's vile but drinkable with two non-dairy creamers and two sugar packets added. My room is nice and quiet, filled only with the sound of my music, since I turned the air conditioner off. I feel peaceful for the first time since I got here. It's strange, but I haven't dreamed since I arrived. I have some time before I need to shave so I guess I'll write for a while and otherwise diddle around with my iPad. I need to check the wireless connection--it had dropped off yesterday. I'll do that now. Yup, I'm still connected. Boy my nose sure is runny this morning. I wonder why. I'm not coming down with a cold. I've decided to shave and shower today because it's Friday and that's when I always do so. But I am simply going to shower tomorrow, put on a patch and my non-smoking clothes for the trip into NYC.

Sunday I don't usually shave but I think I will get up early to do so anyway so that I look somewhat respectable on the flight home. Of course, I might shave Saturday night to spare myself the hassle of doing so before I need to check out at 11:00AM. I plan to pack Saturday night. My flight leaves at around 6:30PM but R&D haven't offered to drive me to the airport. They said they will pay for a taxi, instead. They wouldn't have to leave here before 3:30. Maybe they think that they will have to get up early or that I am leaving during a weekday. I'll have to check with them about this today. I have no objection to a taxi but rather have them see me off. It might be all a misunderstanding.

Well it's 8:30AM and almost time to shave. I think I will go out for a cigarette beforehand. I did this and called Denise to come and get me. I stepped out for a cigarette which I finished before Denise came and waited in the lobby until she arrived. 

I spent the day at R&D's mostly sitting around in a blanket at a cold I think I have contracted got worse and worse. They had an argument but I stayed out of that and it soon passed over. Denise went into the bedroom to nap while Randy dealt with Comcast for reasons I don't understand. I laid in a recliner with a wool blanket drawn over me and managed to doze a while. I woke up to use the toilet and was unable to get to sleep afterward. So I stayed in that chair for the rest of the evening while I let the two of them do the talking. It's 7:17PM and Denise has just dropped me off.

Randy and I have plans to visit New York and the Museum of Natural History tomorrow. He is picking me up at 10:00AM sharp. I plan to be ready for what will be the highlight of this trip for me. Thanksgiving dinner was nice but I am always so quiet in the face of their boisterous conversation. I guess I really don't have much to say. My life is all about living alone with Pippin and going to therapy and DBSA. I can't talk about my mental issues with them because they become uneasy. So I am mostly a good listener. I hope this cold doesn't worsen because I want to have a good time in New York.

Saturday, November 28, 2015. I woke up at 8:30AM this morning. I feel like my cold has abated. Today is the big day. Randy and I will be going into New York to the Museum of Natural History. I need to be ready to leave at 10:00AM. I looked at myself in to mirror and decided that my hair is in order enough that I do not need to shower. I had my morning cigarette and took note of my cigarette tracker that I only can smoke 10 cigarettes today so I need to be very frugal about the amount I smoke. I am going to get ready to go even though it's early so that I can eat continental breakfast. I just took my morning medication along with two Vicodin and a tranquilizer to prepare me for the day.

I had a nice long chat with Yaffa last night while watching a college basketball game on ESPN. It's nice to hear word from home and how her day was going. I shared the facts that I had been extremely bored at R&D's yesterday not to mention sick from a cold. She was  very solicitous and gave me advice on how to fight it. She told me that she and Addison had hung my closet draperies in my bedroom for me for which I was extremely grateful She also mentioned the fact that she had watered my plants as I had asked her. She also went to the UPS store and asked them to hold on to my package until next week when I can pick it up. I am so glad that she is watching out for my apartment and rising above the call of duty to handle other matters. She told me about her day and that she was preparing dinner for Dorit. She was, as she likes to put it, "multitasking, between her home duties and talking with me. I really felt like I needed to talk with someone last night and she was, as always, the perfect companion. I finally had to end the conversation at 10PM my time because it was time for me to go to sleep.

Tonight will be my last in New Jersey so I will need to pack this evening. I plan to pack my house clothes last. I will be taking a shower tomorrow morning and wearing my non-smoking clothes for the flight home. It will be difficult hanging around R&D's waiting for a taxi while not being able to smoke but somehow I will manage it. I'll be taking a taxi to the airport from their apartment.My flight leaves at 5:36PM so I will want to get to the airport no later that 3:30PM so I have time to check-in and wait in the visitor's lounge for my flight (which I hopeful will be on time) I arrive in San Francisco at 8:57PM local time so I don't expect to be home before 10:30PM. I expect I will be dead tired from the trip. I've just plugged in my ear set so that it will be charge for the trip.

I just ate my continental breakfast that consisted of a square egg thing, scrambled like a miniature omelet and a breakfast sausage. The coffee was the most important thing for me and I brought mine back to my room. It's almost 9:00AM and I thinkI will drink some more of my coffee before going out for a final cigarette before I start my day. After that I will put on a nicotine patch to get me through the trip to NYC,

Well, I just had my final cigarette before getting ready for the trip. It made me a little dizzy so I guess my cutting back is beginning to work.. It is my hope that I will have quit by the time my operation on my right elbow on the 15th of December. we'' see. I hope to have cut down by a significant amount by then, anyway. Time to get ready.

Denise dropped us off at the train station and we bought round-trip tickets to Penn station in NYC. The trip took a long time but I had a window seat which afforded me a view of the scenery, such as it was. Once at Penn station we hailed a cab to the Museum of Natural history. The museum was magnificent. We were greeted by two large dinosaur skeletons reaching up three stories. We headed for the hall of African animals when I noticed something was wrong with Randy. I asked him what it was and he said that hist right knee was bothering him. So he mostly sat outside of the  exhibits while I went in and wondered at all of the wonderful displays. It was a bit of a bummer not being able to share my experience with Randy but I managed to have a good time, anyway. I stopped at the gift shop where I bought gifts for Yaffa and Dorit. Randy was very groggy all day. I found out later that he had foolishly taken his nighttime sleeping meds in the morning by accident. How someone can make such a mistake is beyond me. He eventually bailed entirely and told me he would meet me outside of the museum at the Central Park entrance. I didn't let it perturb me too much. I went and saw the evolution of mankind exhibit which I found fascinating. Earlier in the day we went to the Hayden planetarium for a show and I swear he fell asleep during the performance. I wanted to stay longer but felt like I couldn't leave him outside by himself, especially in the light rain that began to fall. So we met up and I hailed a cab for us and off we went to Penn station. We were just in time to catch the train to New Brunswick. The ride seemed to take forever. I developed a headache. I was disappointed in him and a little resentful. We finally arrived at our destination where Denise was waiting to drive us home. I cam back directly to my hotel room having no stomach for socializing. So the trip was a mixed success. I enjoyed the exhibits but did so alone without anyone to share them with.

I'm back in my room now thinking about how I will plan my return to San Francisco. I have to check out at 11:00AM and Denise has promised to pick me us so that I can wait at their apartment for the taxicab that will drive me to the airport. I don't understand why they cannot drive me. They say it is a big hassle. So I guess I will be on my own. In the meantime I am pondering whether of not to shower for the trip home and wear a patch or if I should wear a patch and travel in my smoking clothes. The latter affords me the opportunity to smoke at their apartment while I am waiting. Of course I'll have to get up earlier to shower and pack. I don't want to do any packing tonight. I am too  burned out.

Sunday, November 29, 2015. I set the alam for 8:00AM but woke up on my own at 7:00AM. I went out into the freezing cold to have a cigarette and returned shivering to my room. It was early enough to get continental breakfast so I went to get a cup of coffee, some cold and salty scrambled eggs and some overly sweet muffins. I stuffed down the food; I was hungry. I brought my coffee back to my room.

I am all packed except for my house clothes. I plan on having another cigarette before I shower for the day. I'm going in at 9:30AM which should give me time to finish packing my toiletries and house clothes before getting dressed in my non-smoking clothes for the flight. I have a patch set out for the trip. I'm going to have to squeeze everything into my duffel bag to accommodate the gifts I bought for Yaffa and Dorit but I should be able to pull it off. I'm going out for another cigarette now. I plan to smoke as many as possible before I put the patch on, which will be about another hour and half from now.

I'm not looking forward to the trip back home. My light leaves Newark at 6:30PM and arrives in San Francisco at 9:30PM local time. The flight itself is six hours. I imagine I will be utterly tired by the time I reach SFO. I'll catch an Uber or taxi from the airport home. Once home, I will change into my house clothes, have a cigarette, and walk over the Yaffa's apartment to give them their gifts. I'll stay and chat a bit before returning home. I can unpack tomorrow. There's nothing that won't keep. I'll need my phone charging cord but that should be easy to reach from the top of the big bag. I've just seen to that.

Well, it's 8:50AM and I've had another cigarette. I'll have another at 9:30 before I shower. I'm a little apprehensive about squeezing all my stuff into my bag but I think I should manage. I'm watching ESPN until I can locate a football game.

Well I am showered at 9:30 and I am going to get dressed and check out. I'll wait in the lobby until R&D can come and pick me up.

They showed up at 10:30AM and drove me back to their apartment. We hung around for a while, or rather, Denise and I hung around for a while talking. Randy disappeared into the bedroom. Denise had tea together and talked about a variety of things. Randy finally appeared after about an hour and a half and made preparations for the taxi to come and pick me up. He then suggested that we all go out for lunch before I left. I wasn't really very hungry. I had eaten breakfast and the tea had suppressed my appetite. But I went along anyway and they treated me to an expensive lunch at a very nice place. We returned home at around 2:30PM, a half hour before my taxi was to arrive. It finally came and we all walked down to greet it. There was some confusion with payment that I was not a part of. Anyway, after hugs all around, I left for Newark airport.

I'm sitting here now at gate 81 where my flight will board. I had some hassle at the baggage check. It didn't print out my boarding pass the first time so I had to go through the whole routine again, including paying again for my checked bag. I finally got my boarding pass and found my way to security which was, as always, a hassle. I bought a bottle of vitamin water because my mouth is so dry. They have welcomed us to gate C81 and flight 418 for San Francisco but are not boarding yet. I am making this entry on my lap squeezed between two other passengers. There's not much more to say now. I simply have to wait until I am boarded.

Well I was boarded finally after a technical problem with the plane caused it to be late. Also, we had to wait for the co-pilot to show up from Manhattan because he had missed his assignment. So we finally got underway at around 6:30PM. I had an aisle seat toward the back of the plane which was good because I had to keep getting up to use the toilet. The people next to me rarely need to get out so I was spared the hassle of moving for them.

After takeoff I had planned to listen to music but changed my mind and watched movies, instead. I watched "Ant Man" and "Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation." When these were over I watched a couple of short comedies after which I decided that prolonged use of my headphones had given me a headache. So I packed them away and turned on the map display to track our progress to San Francisco.

As usual, the flight seemed interminable but finally ended. I had to trek practically halfway around the terminal to get to the last carousel when our luggage was being disgorged. I grabbed my bag and went out to hail a taxi. There was supposed to be a system where people waited for their turn for a taxi but that quickly broke down. I grabbed a cab out of the regular order and left for home.

Monday, November 30, 2015. I arrived home at 10:30PM utterly exhausted. I received a phone call from Yaffa asking me how I felt. I told her I would get back to her after I had time to relax. As it happens I spent the night there where I slept very well. I woke up at 8:00AM this morning.  I had some coffee with her and left to come home at 10:00AM to unpack and get ready for my day. I have to pick up Pippin later this afternoon.

On the whole I have to say it was a very unsatisfying trip. I specifically booked a flight on Sunday at a time when they could take me to the airport but they said it was too much hassle and instead would make it part of my Christmas present to pay for the cab. In fact, they were supposed to pay for all of my activities but as usual I ended up paying for most. I paid for the expensive museum tickets which my brother assured me we would pay me back for. That's money I'll never see.

I came to the conclusion that they really aren't much interested in my life. They did not inquire about my health of how my therapy was going. Mental illness carries a stigma for them. When I mentioned that I would be getting my right elbow operated on in December they were dismissive, not asking any questions about why or how or anything else on what effect it would have on my life.

Denise told me in private that Randy had been diagnosed as bipolar. She tried to bring the topic up while I was waiting to go to the airport but he simply said that he was "a little bipolar." I challenged him, replying that one was bipolar or not bipolar. He said that's what his doctor had told him. I asked him if he was seeing a psychiatrist and he said he was but I don't know how regular that is, if at all. I never got a chance to pursue the topic further with him be cause he cut us off and made it clear that it was off-limits. So in addition to being an obese compulsive eater and buyer of trivial things and being egotistic, self-centered and narcissistic, being a pedantic know-it-all, he also has a serious mental disorder he is unwilling to seek more information about. I find him utterly reprehensible and my heart goes out to Denise for the abuse she needs to take at his hands. I love my brother but I do not like or respect him.