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Sunday Lonliness

It is 5:30PM on Sunday and I am alone in my apartment.

I spent some time with my wife earlier in the day. She and her mother were redecorating their balcony so that and the living room were chaotic. I did a few little tasks and left. I told her I wanted to unpack and change my clothes, etc. She called me after a while and asked if I could come back with some of the party stuff and to help her with some planting. I really didn't feel like leaving the apartment. I felt I needed a little "alone" time to unwind from the weekend's celebrations (see my previous post). But I came over anyway and performed a number of small chores in the apartment. I then followed my wife down to the ground floor where she wanted to plant some new plants.

I hate gardening. It reminds me of the times during my childhood when my father would put my brother and me to work digging holes and doing grueling manual labor under the hot summer sun. I was hot today, too. I was withdrawn. I really didn't want to be there. Anyway, the whole thing finally came to an end and I am home again.

I don't know what to do with myself. I shaved and showered so that's something I won't have to do tomorrow before I go to therapy. I turned on the basketball game and it's still playing as I write this. I cleaned up the apartment a little before my shower. But here I am again. Alone in the apartment with no companion to share my life with. My wife has it easier. She talks all the time with her mother.

My mother-in-law seemed decidedly cold towards me today. I think she has decided that I am at fault for all of her daughter's troubles. But I tend to paranoia so I don't trust myself on this.

I'm going to stop writing and go into the kitchen now.

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