I really should write these things when they occur. As always, the details of this are foggy to me now. All I remember is that my wife and I had a terrible fight the weekend of her daughter's birthday.
Her daughter's birthday was to be held on either Friday or Saturday night. It doesn't matter now. My wife was ecstatic about decorating for it and overall planning for it. I was on call (as always) to do whet she needed me to do. I think the party was to be held on a saturday because I'm pretty sure the fight broke out Friday.
We had an argument earlier in the day about something. I remember seething with resentment from not having been able to fully express myself. But I had let it go as I so often do with her. She has a domineering nature and confronting her never ends well. I am meek around her and this in itself infuriates me. It rankled in me and I was left alone in the apartment to wait for her to return from the store with her daughter's birthday cake. She called me from the street and asked me to bring down a few things. I picked them up and in a huff threw them into the front seat of her car, slammed the door and headed back upstairs. I remember the look of bewilderment on her face.
As I write this it occurs to me that she doesn't really know how her actions can have such negative effects on those around her. Everyone has always down what she wants them to do out of fear, I guess, of her volatile nature. I don't. I give in a lot. But there's a point where I draw the line. It's far further from her than it really should be but I nevertheless refuse to be a complete doormat. She deflects my attempts to figure out our problems as "over-rationalization." She calls me "left-brained" with contempt. I don't think anyone in her life has ever stood up to her and when it happens she feels threatened. She has control-ssue problems. She must always be in control. This usually hides an insecure personality.
Well, whatever her personal issues might be, I was livid with rage she called me later in the day. Now I don't remember why and I find this frustrating. She was in a vile state and screaming obscenities at me. I hung up. She said that I had ruined her daughter's birthday party although how I cannot imagine. I stayed at home and tried to calm myself down.
I got a call from her mother later in the afternoon or early evening telling me that her daughter had packed her bags and stormed out of the house without saying anything. I talked a bit with her mother. Apparently she had been a bitch to her, too, all day. Anyway, her mother was beside herself with worry and wanted to know where she might have gone or if I heard from her. I replied that I didn't know and I hadn't heard a thing. I called her daughter and she didn't know anything, either. I complained a little to her daughter who told reassured me. She said this sort of thing had been going on for decades including all through her childhood. I was lost.
I tried calling my wife but she didn't answer. I kept trying and finally she answered. She hurled such an outburst of raging obscentiies so incoherent that I cannot remember them well enough to repeat them here. There was something about me being a stupid bipolar, brain-damaged retard in all of it, though. She accused me of having ruined her daughter's birthday party. She hung up.
I tried texting her. I asked her if she was OK (a rather stupid question, in retrospect.) I told her that everyone was worried about her and wondered where she had gone. I reassured her that we all loved her and begged her to please come home. She finally replied to these texts with a simple, "Fuck you." Nevertheless I kept on trying. She responded again by saying that she planned to stay in her car. I asked her where. She wouldn't say and said it was none of my business. I kept imploring her to talk to me, or to her mother or to her daughter. I don't know if she did or not. I later learned that she had not.
She said she planned to move out. By this time I was fed up. She said that she was going to pack up her monkey collection and leave. I began listing the things she should not forget. I mentioned her clothes I told her she could take her computer but the printer had to stay behind. She could take her dishes but mine were to stay. There was more of this ilk that I fired off in rapid succession. Things suddenly got very quiet from her end. I let it be and turned off my phone.
I don't know what happened but I think my wife gave up trying to get mercy from me and decided to return home. Her mother called me and I arrived in time to see her mother helping her into the exterior hallway of her apartment. I deemed it wise to not go up so I turned around and went home.
I can't remember whether she called me first or if I called her first after this whole ugly incident. But, as usual, It Is All Forgotten. I have since spent two nights with her in her bedroom at her mother's house. As I write this I realize that I am only enabling this bad behavior in her. I need to set aside my own need for companionship to the side and let her come to me for once.
I am angry.
Her daughter's birthday was to be held on either Friday or Saturday night. It doesn't matter now. My wife was ecstatic about decorating for it and overall planning for it. I was on call (as always) to do whet she needed me to do. I think the party was to be held on a saturday because I'm pretty sure the fight broke out Friday.
We had an argument earlier in the day about something. I remember seething with resentment from not having been able to fully express myself. But I had let it go as I so often do with her. She has a domineering nature and confronting her never ends well. I am meek around her and this in itself infuriates me. It rankled in me and I was left alone in the apartment to wait for her to return from the store with her daughter's birthday cake. She called me from the street and asked me to bring down a few things. I picked them up and in a huff threw them into the front seat of her car, slammed the door and headed back upstairs. I remember the look of bewilderment on her face.
As I write this it occurs to me that she doesn't really know how her actions can have such negative effects on those around her. Everyone has always down what she wants them to do out of fear, I guess, of her volatile nature. I don't. I give in a lot. But there's a point where I draw the line. It's far further from her than it really should be but I nevertheless refuse to be a complete doormat. She deflects my attempts to figure out our problems as "over-rationalization." She calls me "left-brained" with contempt. I don't think anyone in her life has ever stood up to her and when it happens she feels threatened. She has control-ssue problems. She must always be in control. This usually hides an insecure personality.
Well, whatever her personal issues might be, I was livid with rage she called me later in the day. Now I don't remember why and I find this frustrating. She was in a vile state and screaming obscenities at me. I hung up. She said that I had ruined her daughter's birthday party although how I cannot imagine. I stayed at home and tried to calm myself down.
I got a call from her mother later in the afternoon or early evening telling me that her daughter had packed her bags and stormed out of the house without saying anything. I talked a bit with her mother. Apparently she had been a bitch to her, too, all day. Anyway, her mother was beside herself with worry and wanted to know where she might have gone or if I heard from her. I replied that I didn't know and I hadn't heard a thing. I called her daughter and she didn't know anything, either. I complained a little to her daughter who told reassured me. She said this sort of thing had been going on for decades including all through her childhood. I was lost.
I tried calling my wife but she didn't answer. I kept trying and finally she answered. She hurled such an outburst of raging obscentiies so incoherent that I cannot remember them well enough to repeat them here. There was something about me being a stupid bipolar, brain-damaged retard in all of it, though. She accused me of having ruined her daughter's birthday party. She hung up.
I tried texting her. I asked her if she was OK (a rather stupid question, in retrospect.) I told her that everyone was worried about her and wondered where she had gone. I reassured her that we all loved her and begged her to please come home. She finally replied to these texts with a simple, "Fuck you." Nevertheless I kept on trying. She responded again by saying that she planned to stay in her car. I asked her where. She wouldn't say and said it was none of my business. I kept imploring her to talk to me, or to her mother or to her daughter. I don't know if she did or not. I later learned that she had not.
She said she planned to move out. By this time I was fed up. She said that she was going to pack up her monkey collection and leave. I began listing the things she should not forget. I mentioned her clothes I told her she could take her computer but the printer had to stay behind. She could take her dishes but mine were to stay. There was more of this ilk that I fired off in rapid succession. Things suddenly got very quiet from her end. I let it be and turned off my phone.
I don't know what happened but I think my wife gave up trying to get mercy from me and decided to return home. Her mother called me and I arrived in time to see her mother helping her into the exterior hallway of her apartment. I deemed it wise to not go up so I turned around and went home.
I can't remember whether she called me first or if I called her first after this whole ugly incident. But, as usual, It Is All Forgotten. I have since spent two nights with her in her bedroom at her mother's house. As I write this I realize that I am only enabling this bad behavior in her. I need to set aside my own need for companionship to the side and let her come to me for once.
I am angry.
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