Today I had two cigarettes with my morning coffee and decided to put on a stage one nicotine patch shortly afterwards. I am going to see how long I can go without smoking a cigarette. Lately it has seemed to me that I am smoking solely for the purpose of delivering nicotine to my system, Nearly all my habits have been broken.
* * * * * * * * * *
I am writing this several weeks later. I have been using the nicotine patches regularly every day. I put a new one on as soon as I wake up. The patches really help with the addiction itself. Other bad habits still need to be broken, however.
I am using tranquilizers to take the edge off of quitting. This has proven to be effective. I am also identifying smoking triggers and slowly eliminating them. For example, having a cigarette with my morning coffee or immediately after a meal. I also try to keep myself busy and, when possible sleep or rest a while each day. It's been torture nevertheless. I try to pace myself so that I only have one cigarette every three hours. This is difficult in itself.
My wife has been of no help whatsoever. On the one hand she airily congratulates me for the progress I have made. On the other hand, especially when she is angry, she screams at me that I have picked the wrong time to quit smoking when our relationship is in trouble. I cannot get it through her head that the two do not affect one another. I am not in a worse mood regarding our marriage. I am worried about it. We have separated (see later post) but quitting smoking doesn't impair my work to rehabilitate our marriage. The tension I feel from quitting is unrelated to the tension I feel from our marriage difficulties. I will say this, however. Her mere presence is a trigger for me and makes me want to smoke.
I had a relapse today. I have smoked six cigarettes and it is only 8:30PM. I still have an entire evening ahead of me. I don't know what I am going to do. Perhaps I'll throw today out the window and begin anew tomorrow.
* * * * * * * * * *
I am writing this the day after my relapse for the sole purpose of giving myself to do instead of smoking. I am so bored I don't know what todo with myself. In about and hour and a half I will be going to Safeway with my wife to shop for groceries. We will also stop by the BofA branch on Van Ness and Market so that I can get two crisp $50 bills for my nephew's birthday party tomorrow. That should keep me busy for several hours. Since I do not smoke outside of the apartment that will cut down on my daily intake. In fact, except for very cold and/or wet weather I always smoke on the balcony. I try to make it difficult for myself to smoke.
* * * * * * * * * *
I am writing this several weeks later. I have been using the nicotine patches regularly every day. I put a new one on as soon as I wake up. The patches really help with the addiction itself. Other bad habits still need to be broken, however.
I am using tranquilizers to take the edge off of quitting. This has proven to be effective. I am also identifying smoking triggers and slowly eliminating them. For example, having a cigarette with my morning coffee or immediately after a meal. I also try to keep myself busy and, when possible sleep or rest a while each day. It's been torture nevertheless. I try to pace myself so that I only have one cigarette every three hours. This is difficult in itself.
My wife has been of no help whatsoever. On the one hand she airily congratulates me for the progress I have made. On the other hand, especially when she is angry, she screams at me that I have picked the wrong time to quit smoking when our relationship is in trouble. I cannot get it through her head that the two do not affect one another. I am not in a worse mood regarding our marriage. I am worried about it. We have separated (see later post) but quitting smoking doesn't impair my work to rehabilitate our marriage. The tension I feel from quitting is unrelated to the tension I feel from our marriage difficulties. I will say this, however. Her mere presence is a trigger for me and makes me want to smoke.
I had a relapse today. I have smoked six cigarettes and it is only 8:30PM. I still have an entire evening ahead of me. I don't know what I am going to do. Perhaps I'll throw today out the window and begin anew tomorrow.
* * * * * * * * * *
I am writing this the day after my relapse for the sole purpose of giving myself to do instead of smoking. I am so bored I don't know what todo with myself. In about and hour and a half I will be going to Safeway with my wife to shop for groceries. We will also stop by the BofA branch on Van Ness and Market so that I can get two crisp $50 bills for my nephew's birthday party tomorrow. That should keep me busy for several hours. Since I do not smoke outside of the apartment that will cut down on my daily intake. In fact, except for very cold and/or wet weather I always smoke on the balcony. I try to make it difficult for myself to smoke.
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