I decided to quit smoking about a week or so ago. It has not been easy.
I started at over a pack a day. I am now down to just around 10 a day, give or take one or four cigarettes. This process is making me irritable. I wonder to what extent it made me lash out at my wife during her illness (see my previous post).
I don't know why I decided to quit. The reasoning and motivation behind it elude me now. I know that my psychoanalyst has been "on my case" about quitting for months. I have always resisted, saying that "Now is not the time. I need to be psychologically ready." I guess I must have become ready although I don't remember when.
True to my anal—retentive nature I have made databases in OpenOffice and Google Documents to keep track of my smoking progress. At this point I only keep track of the number of cigarettes I smoke a day. I keep a mental shorthand of the triggers I am encountering. I have handled and eliminated these for the most part.
At this point I am mostly dealing with nicotine addiction. I can go for about an hour or an hour and a half without a cigarette. This is addiction. There are no triggers involved. I am beginning to approach the point where I can use the patch successfully. I am still loathe to quit smoking entirely. I think I will wait until I am consistently down to to ten a day before I try the patch. Maybe I am fooling myself but it's worth a try.
In the meantime I must find a way to control my irritability and anger. I am frustrated all the time. I think it must be the nicotine withdrawal. But it colors my behavior towards my loved ones. Strangely enough, it does not manifest itself when dealing with strangers. Also, I don't feel the urge to smoke when out of the apartment. I was out for four hours yesterday and did not miss smoking at all. I was calm and civil with the people I met. I think the change of venue was responsible.
I must break the habit. Once broken, I can concentrate on the nicotine withdrawal. This is my strategy and it seems to be working. Wish me luck.
I started at over a pack a day. I am now down to just around 10 a day, give or take one or four cigarettes. This process is making me irritable. I wonder to what extent it made me lash out at my wife during her illness (see my previous post).
I don't know why I decided to quit. The reasoning and motivation behind it elude me now. I know that my psychoanalyst has been "on my case" about quitting for months. I have always resisted, saying that "Now is not the time. I need to be psychologically ready." I guess I must have become ready although I don't remember when.
True to my anal—retentive nature I have made databases in OpenOffice and Google Documents to keep track of my smoking progress. At this point I only keep track of the number of cigarettes I smoke a day. I keep a mental shorthand of the triggers I am encountering. I have handled and eliminated these for the most part.
At this point I am mostly dealing with nicotine addiction. I can go for about an hour or an hour and a half without a cigarette. This is addiction. There are no triggers involved. I am beginning to approach the point where I can use the patch successfully. I am still loathe to quit smoking entirely. I think I will wait until I am consistently down to to ten a day before I try the patch. Maybe I am fooling myself but it's worth a try.
In the meantime I must find a way to control my irritability and anger. I am frustrated all the time. I think it must be the nicotine withdrawal. But it colors my behavior towards my loved ones. Strangely enough, it does not manifest itself when dealing with strangers. Also, I don't feel the urge to smoke when out of the apartment. I was out for four hours yesterday and did not miss smoking at all. I was calm and civil with the people I met. I think the change of venue was responsible.
I must break the habit. Once broken, I can concentrate on the nicotine withdrawal. This is my strategy and it seems to be working. Wish me luck.
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