I continue to be infatuated by Janis, my third and latest wife who I divorced in 2005. It was a messy and hateful separation. I am now in a loving relationship with Eva with whom I am engaged. I don't even know anymore where these bizarre dreams come from and why they continue.
I am with Janis in a room at my sister-in-law's house at night. We are in (I think) the guest room but it might be another. We make passionate love like always but Janis doesn't want to watch porn, an oddity because she always did like it. Our lovemaking is the sort of insane crazy that I haven't yet experienced since we broke up.
We are in the kitchen. My sister-in-law's bar is open (rather than closed) in a way that allows people to sit at it. My landlord Martin, and his wife show up, the people I work with. The actual apartment's owner (Aaron) comes in behind them. We exchange greetings and there are hugs all around. They embrace Janis, too, although they know we are divorced.
Out of the blue Janis offers them a Christmas present she made. She goes to some obscure drawer and pulls out one of many Snowman dolls made of Styrofoam, pipe-cleaners and little cardboard hats. They all seem to be broken or on the verge of breaking. The drawer closes. She presents one to Martin which immediately makes Aaron quietly jealous because he doesn't get one. Sandra, Martin's wife, suggests that we all watch TV.
I am dumbfounded at the number of computers, amplifiers and other electronic equipment tangled together by miles of cables in the living room of Janis' house in Sweden. I remember having made this mess. I frantically try to figure it all out. Martin and Sandra sit themselves on the sofa in front of a large television. I still wrestle with the cables. There are also small televisions scattered about in addition to cable couplings I don't recognize. I try in vain to shut the computers down. This works for the Windows computers but not for the Linux ones. I cannot remember how to shut down a Linux computer.In desperation I try to get the large TV operable. I simply pull a random bunch of cables apart. A picture appears on the screen.
Janis and I sit down next to them, one on each side of Martin and his wife. The screen is large but the picture is tall and rectangular, leaving wide spaces on each side. I am embarrassed by this and apologize to Marten and Sandra. The show is an old black-and-white western from the 60's. I don't watch it. I am still wondering why I could not unravel the wires which I with painstaking assembled some time ago using my father's materials.
We are back in the kitchen of my sister-in-law lounging about and drinking wine from a shared container. The container is one of those little wax-coated juice "boxes" with the teeny straw on top. We have, however, removed the straw and opened up the top to use as a communal cup. With us is Bob, a guy I worked with at Berkeley. Bob is a brilliant consultant, a computer systems architect. He has long blond hair tied back in a pony tail.
In a private moment off to the side Janis and I discuss the circumstances of our love-making earlier. She says that she would like to see me from time to time. I am surprised and grateful for this opportunity. I ask her if she wants to get back together but she says no, but would occasionally like to see one another on a casual, only-for-sex basis. I am disappointed.
I ask her why, did she break up with her boyfriend, has she married him? She is in fact married and this news makes my heart sink. I ask why the sex then? She doesn't answer but I get the impression that although she doesn't want to jeopardize her marriage the sexual part of it is not fulfilling. I am sad. The whole dilemma is reminiscent of my second wife, Tanya, who ended up married to a stockbroker. I realize that it is indeed Tanya I have been talking to. It is not Janis who leans against the bar with me, out of earshot from the others.
Martin and Sandra invite us over to a Christmas party they are throwing this coming Friday. I try to get out of it, as does Eva, but we both end up accepting the invitation. We are both uncomfortable about this.
Janis and I make love in the same room we used before. Again, Janis insists that we do not watch porn. Our lovemaking is wild and oral. I cannot satisfy her using my lips. She masturbates instead and gives me a blow job. We are both sweaty when we dress and join the others.
The wine is down to a few tiny sips and our party has now lasted until 4:00AM. We debate our coarse of action in regards to the liquor situation. Someone sighs that Safeway will be closed. I pipe up with the welcome news that Safeway is open twenty-four hours. Also, I mention that it is legal to sell liquor in the state of California. albeit not between two and four AM.
I know I shouldn't drink wine. In fact I should not drink anything at all, for health reasons. But I want to be like the others. I want to fit in. I decide to make no mention of this.
We decide to get ready. Each goes to his or her room to change clothes. Janis and I change clothes together. I dress myself up in strange, yellow fishnet stockings with a wide netting. I put my pants on over these with some difficulty. We all rejoin in the kitchen. I laugh and show Bob my stockings and he laughs, too. We all get ready to leave, boisterous, laughing about what we will buy.
I am wistful about Janis.
I am with Janis in a room at my sister-in-law's house at night. We are in (I think) the guest room but it might be another. We make passionate love like always but Janis doesn't want to watch porn, an oddity because she always did like it. Our lovemaking is the sort of insane crazy that I haven't yet experienced since we broke up.
We are in the kitchen. My sister-in-law's bar is open (rather than closed) in a way that allows people to sit at it. My landlord Martin, and his wife show up, the people I work with. The actual apartment's owner (Aaron) comes in behind them. We exchange greetings and there are hugs all around. They embrace Janis, too, although they know we are divorced.
Out of the blue Janis offers them a Christmas present she made. She goes to some obscure drawer and pulls out one of many Snowman dolls made of Styrofoam, pipe-cleaners and little cardboard hats. They all seem to be broken or on the verge of breaking. The drawer closes. She presents one to Martin which immediately makes Aaron quietly jealous because he doesn't get one. Sandra, Martin's wife, suggests that we all watch TV.
I am dumbfounded at the number of computers, amplifiers and other electronic equipment tangled together by miles of cables in the living room of Janis' house in Sweden. I remember having made this mess. I frantically try to figure it all out. Martin and Sandra sit themselves on the sofa in front of a large television. I still wrestle with the cables. There are also small televisions scattered about in addition to cable couplings I don't recognize. I try in vain to shut the computers down. This works for the Windows computers but not for the Linux ones. I cannot remember how to shut down a Linux computer.In desperation I try to get the large TV operable. I simply pull a random bunch of cables apart. A picture appears on the screen.
Janis and I sit down next to them, one on each side of Martin and his wife. The screen is large but the picture is tall and rectangular, leaving wide spaces on each side. I am embarrassed by this and apologize to Marten and Sandra. The show is an old black-and-white western from the 60's. I don't watch it. I am still wondering why I could not unravel the wires which I with painstaking assembled some time ago using my father's materials.
We are back in the kitchen of my sister-in-law lounging about and drinking wine from a shared container. The container is one of those little wax-coated juice "boxes" with the teeny straw on top. We have, however, removed the straw and opened up the top to use as a communal cup. With us is Bob, a guy I worked with at Berkeley. Bob is a brilliant consultant, a computer systems architect. He has long blond hair tied back in a pony tail.
In a private moment off to the side Janis and I discuss the circumstances of our love-making earlier. She says that she would like to see me from time to time. I am surprised and grateful for this opportunity. I ask her if she wants to get back together but she says no, but would occasionally like to see one another on a casual, only-for-sex basis. I am disappointed.
I ask her why, did she break up with her boyfriend, has she married him? She is in fact married and this news makes my heart sink. I ask why the sex then? She doesn't answer but I get the impression that although she doesn't want to jeopardize her marriage the sexual part of it is not fulfilling. I am sad. The whole dilemma is reminiscent of my second wife, Tanya, who ended up married to a stockbroker. I realize that it is indeed Tanya I have been talking to. It is not Janis who leans against the bar with me, out of earshot from the others.
Martin and Sandra invite us over to a Christmas party they are throwing this coming Friday. I try to get out of it, as does Eva, but we both end up accepting the invitation. We are both uncomfortable about this.
Janis and I make love in the same room we used before. Again, Janis insists that we do not watch porn. Our lovemaking is wild and oral. I cannot satisfy her using my lips. She masturbates instead and gives me a blow job. We are both sweaty when we dress and join the others.
The wine is down to a few tiny sips and our party has now lasted until 4:00AM. We debate our coarse of action in regards to the liquor situation. Someone sighs that Safeway will be closed. I pipe up with the welcome news that Safeway is open twenty-four hours. Also, I mention that it is legal to sell liquor in the state of California. albeit not between two and four AM.
I know I shouldn't drink wine. In fact I should not drink anything at all, for health reasons. But I want to be like the others. I want to fit in. I decide to make no mention of this.
We decide to get ready. Each goes to his or her room to change clothes. Janis and I change clothes together. I dress myself up in strange, yellow fishnet stockings with a wide netting. I put my pants on over these with some difficulty. We all rejoin in the kitchen. I laugh and show Bob my stockings and he laughs, too. We all get ready to leave, boisterous, laughing about what we will buy.
I am wistful about Janis.
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