I remember having this intense dream earlier in the month. I thought I would share it here. To protect both the innocent and the guilty I have changed the names in it. Janis is my previous wife and Eva is my current fianceé.
I am in a house and it is dark except for the room where I am which is dimly lit. I think Janis is in one of the other rooms. I have trouble lighting a cigarette because the callous on my right thumb is so thick and painful from having used lighters for so long. I am doing something, perhaps building or refurbishing the room. There is a droning in my left ear. [I later later learn after waking that this is from Eva snoring in my ear.] The drone is persistent throughout the dream.
I feel inadequate but for what I don't know. I think I move into the living room. I have another girlfriend who is not there at the moment. Janis comes to visit. She greets me with haughtiness. She wants to make amends but I sense it is for her own feelings and not for me.
I am walking down a spiral stairway in the building, a staircase which although spiral is composed of square risers. I am at the bottom. I leave the building and make my way to a bar. I am uncomfortable in the bar. Eva appears and I decide to order bloody marries. A drunk is sitting next to us at the bar who keeps droning on incomprehensibly. The bar owner tells him that he has had too much to drink and to go home. The bartender does this for our sake although he does not say so. In a corner of the dark bar is another couple talking and giggling with on another. I suspect it is Janis and her new boyfriend.
We are ushered into another room behind the bar which is attached poorly to the bar as a building annex. I recognize this place; I have been here before in my dreams. In it is a stairway up to another room which I think is another bar. A drag queen in poor makeup tries to get my attention -- Eva has disappeared from the dream. The drag queen is drunk and tries to tell me something I cannot understand.
Now I am back in the living room of my apartment. Janis wants to make amends but this is for her reasons and her constraints. I listen half-heartedly and I am sad and self-conscious. Janis' boyfriend is there next to her on the sofa but I can't make out his features. In the back of my mind I realize while listening to her that I have not finished the re-wiring in the other room where the dream started.
My girlfriend, someone I do not recognize, returns and sees me with Janis in a forgiving embrace. My girlfriend is about my height and has auburn hair. She is upset and I try to console her. She stomps off to a different room in the apartment. Janis asks me if I want to visit her in Livermore and meet her new boyfriend. I am in their living room across from Janis. Her boyfriend is not there.
Janis hands me a newspaper with a smirk. I see on the front page that he is a big wheel and very successful in his career. A mention is made about his darling and pretty Swedish wife. I can barely read the writing (which is usual in my dreams) but I know this is what the article is about. Janis assures me that the newspaper article is correct. She tells me that her new boyfriend is much more successful in life than I am. I remember seeing her walking out of Muni with him smiling with him -- smiling the smile which she always used with me when we were happy together. I remember thinking, "That's my smile," and I am heartbroken.
But in the here and now I am simply embarrassed. My girlfriend is in (again) on Janis' conversation and, like before, becomes angry and stomps to another room. I am confused. I think about explaining to Janis the situation but decide not to. I am caugt in a trap, between my new girlfriend and Janis. I wake up.
I feel inadequate but for what I don't know. I think I move into the living room. I have another girlfriend who is not there at the moment. Janis comes to visit. She greets me with haughtiness. She wants to make amends but I sense it is for her own feelings and not for me.
I am walking down a spiral stairway in the building, a staircase which although spiral is composed of square risers. I am at the bottom. I leave the building and make my way to a bar. I am uncomfortable in the bar. Eva appears and I decide to order bloody marries. A drunk is sitting next to us at the bar who keeps droning on incomprehensibly. The bar owner tells him that he has had too much to drink and to go home. The bartender does this for our sake although he does not say so. In a corner of the dark bar is another couple talking and giggling with on another. I suspect it is Janis and her new boyfriend.
We are ushered into another room behind the bar which is attached poorly to the bar as a building annex. I recognize this place; I have been here before in my dreams. In it is a stairway up to another room which I think is another bar. A drag queen in poor makeup tries to get my attention -- Eva has disappeared from the dream. The drag queen is drunk and tries to tell me something I cannot understand.
Now I am back in the living room of my apartment. Janis wants to make amends but this is for her reasons and her constraints. I listen half-heartedly and I am sad and self-conscious. Janis' boyfriend is there next to her on the sofa but I can't make out his features. In the back of my mind I realize while listening to her that I have not finished the re-wiring in the other room where the dream started.
My girlfriend, someone I do not recognize, returns and sees me with Janis in a forgiving embrace. My girlfriend is about my height and has auburn hair. She is upset and I try to console her. She stomps off to a different room in the apartment. Janis asks me if I want to visit her in Livermore and meet her new boyfriend. I am in their living room across from Janis. Her boyfriend is not there.
Janis hands me a newspaper with a smirk. I see on the front page that he is a big wheel and very successful in his career. A mention is made about his darling and pretty Swedish wife. I can barely read the writing (which is usual in my dreams) but I know this is what the article is about. Janis assures me that the newspaper article is correct. She tells me that her new boyfriend is much more successful in life than I am. I remember seeing her walking out of Muni with him smiling with him -- smiling the smile which she always used with me when we were happy together. I remember thinking, "That's my smile," and I am heartbroken.
But in the here and now I am simply embarrassed. My girlfriend is in (again) on Janis' conversation and, like before, becomes angry and stomps to another room. I am confused. I think about explaining to Janis the situation but decide not to. I am caugt in a trap, between my new girlfriend and Janis. I wake up.
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